CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND MARRIAGE, Continued:
We learn in Christian Science
that male and female qualities are found in each
individual. Just
as God is Father-Mother, so His children reflect this Fatherhood-
Motherhood. So, perhaps these are the elements that “God hath joined
together,”
and these masculine/feminine qualities make up the complete
spiritual identity of man
that he is not to “put asunder.” Or, we
could also consider what Mrs. Eddy once wrote:
“We are joined by God,
divine Science, to Himself, His power and love.
And what God hath
joined no man can put asunder.” (DCGC 43)
The above quotation is from
a collection of writings, letters, and statements of Mary
Baker Eddy
titled Divinity Course and General Collectanea, compiled by Richard
Oakes. Elsewhere in the book is an example of how Mrs. Eddy suggested
that these
new concepts about gender and completeness be applied in
our thinking and prayers:
“This is my support, that the male and female
natures are equally
expressed, coexistent in me. This is the way that
I exist and is the reason
I never lack. It is because I am of the
nature of infinite completeness; there
is never anything in my experience
in which the male and female qualities
are not infinitely at one,
supporting each other. It is because my spiritual
inspiration is perfectly
balanced with scientific understanding; because
my joy is perfectly
balanced with courage, and because my love is perfectly
balanced with
strength. My tender emotional nature is perfectly balanced
with thought,
reason and understanding; therefore I am a state of perfect
protection,
perfect substance, and I am supported by my own infinity. I am
the
presence of substance, because there is no unsupported idea in me.
“My manhood takes care of my womanhood, defends, protects, and
supports
her. My joy is defended and protected by my courage. My love is
protected
and defended by my understanding, by the strength of my
scientific
understanding which is omnipotence. I am never undefended
and my womanhood
cherishes my manhood. My tender affection
cherishes my scientific
understanding and unfolds love to it, takes care
of it, watches over
it with love, and gives it every opportunity to unfold
and demonstrate
itself in perfect harmony, unity, equality, and unfoldment.
So my
nature is complete.” (DCGC 73)
Mrs. Eddy comments on male/female natures
again in the chapter “The Apocalypse,”
in the Christian Science textbook,
when discussing the symbolism of the “Lamb”
and the “Lamb’s wife”
in the book of Revelation:
“The Lamb's wife presents the unity of
male and female as no longer
two wedded individuals, but as two individual
natures in one; and this
compounded spiritual individuality reflects
God as Father-Mother, not as
a corporeal being. In this divinely united
spiritual consciousness, there is
no impediment to eternal bliss,— to the perfectibility of God's creation.”
(S&H 577)
What does
all of this have to do with adultery and the Seventh Commandment?
What
this spiritual truth does, is to question the old Biblical concept
that adultery is
only the breaking of the marriage covenant between
two humans, and shows that
there is a spiritual covenant with God
that man breaks whenever he accepts, or acts
upon, the belief that
1) man is both spiritual and material; 2) that man is separated
from
his Father-Mother God, the source of all spiritual qualities; or that
3) man’s
complete spiritual nature reflecting male/female qualities,
can be inverted and
separated into mortal men and women needing to
find each other. Gender is really
a human concept, as we read earlier.
When this is all understood and accepted
into consciousness, the animal
instinct that drives people to lust after one another
-- searching
for happiness and physical satisfaction in sexual relationships --
will
diminish, or be mastered.
It is recorded that Mrs. Eddy once
explained the Seventh Commandment against
adultery this way:
“Unity.
Knowing that we reflect the male and female, we must not
adulterate
this idea by supposing that each of God’s children is not
complete,
infinite. Seeing this purity, we are partakers of the marriage
supper
of the Lamb, the unity of man with the spiritual idea.” (DCGC 233)
Unity.
Completeness. Purity. These ideals are themes throughout the writings
of
Mary Baker Eddy. We find our authority for these truths in the
teachings of Jesus.
“Atonement is the exemplification of man's unity
with God, whereby man
reflects divine Truth, Life, and Love. Jesus
of Nazareth taught and
demonstrated man's oneness with the Father,
and for this we owe him
endless homage. (S&H 18)
This unity, or
oneness, with our Creator, is the true marriage that must not be
adulterated
by the false beliefs that we are “animals,” that we are made of matter,
that we are self-created through a sexual act, or that evil, sin,
disease, or death
can adulterate the pure, innocent spiritual children
of God that we are.
Just as the early Hebrews and other ancient people
were concerned with the
“seeds” of foreign men falsely impregnating
their women, and perhaps resulting in
illegitimate children claiming
the inheritance that rightfully belonged to others, so
we need to
be just as alert to the seeds of evil invading consciousness through
mental adultery. These seeds of evil could result in the false
fruits of sin, disease,
and death, which would pretend to be legitimate,
but are the carnal mind's attempt
to rob God’s natural children
of their rightful heritage.
Do all of these spiritual ideals outlined above
mean that we must give up the human
institution of marriage at this
point in history? No, as was earlier explained; but, for
those who
are ready to ponder the issues, Christian Science offers suggestions
for
how mankind might work up to it. Mrs. Eddy writes:
“Until time
matures human growth, marriage and progeny will continue
unprohibited
in Christian Science. We look to future generations for
ability to
comply with absolute Science, when marriage shall be found to
be man'soneness with God, — the unity of eternal Love. At present,
more spiritual conception and education of children will serve to illustrate
the superiority
of spiritual power over sensuous, and usher in the dawn
of God's creation,wherein they neither marry nor are given in marriage,
but are as the
angels. To abolish marriage at this period, and maintain
morality
and generation, would put ingenuity to ludicrous shifts; yet this
is possible in Science, although it is to-day problematic.” (Miscellaneous
Writings 285)
[A Personal Note. Much of the following comes straight
from my heart -- my own
struggles and experience in life with
the issues of “sex” -- in addition to the
wonderful advice, inspiration,
caution, and observations I have digested over
the years (albeit slowly)
from many sources – especially the teachings of
Christian Science.]
DEALING WITH THE TEMPTATION OF ADULTERY
Hormones on a rampage are pretty
difficult to deal with, it seems. Sometimes,
even the best-intentioned
Christians get knocked off-balance when they find
themselves uncontrollably
attracted to another. It is even more troubling when that
object of
desire is someone either married to another, or is not your own spouse.
Perhaps you have already found yourself in this situation. Whether
or not you
succumbed to temptation, God’s mercy is always available
to those who are willing
to repent, and “sin no more.” We need to
take a mental stand against adultery and
lust
before the next test
comes. If your conviction is solid that purity and obedience
to God
is the only wise and loving course of action, you can protect yourself
and
others from the inevitable suffering and sorrow that adultery
brings.
In your struggle to withstand the onslaught of aggressive
mental suggestions that
would mesmerize you into justifying a sexual
affair, it helps to listen to God’s angel
messages that come to uplift,
inspire, and protect. That’s what divine Love is there
for! You can
also stick with one simple basic Christian rule:
the Golden Rule.
“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you,do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” (Matthew
7:12)
You can apply the Golden Rule in some of the following ways:
Think how this act
of adultery or fornication that you are contemplating
will affect your innocent
spiritual selfhood, and the pure innocence
of the person whose body you plan to
use to satisfy your sexual desire.
Think of those you may hurt by this act. Think of
how you would feel
if you were a husband or wife being cheated against. Think
how disappointed
your parents might be. How would you feel if one of your children
were
being seduced into an adulterous affair? Consider what you would do
if you
came face to face with Jesus during your tryst. How would you
feel if the affair were
videotaped and broadcast, or pictures taken
and pasted on a highway billboard?
Developing empathy and compassion
for how others feel -- or how you would feel,
if caught -- can
help us put the brakes to behavior that might hurt others.
You may
try to justify a situation by saying that you and your sex partner
are single
adults, and no one is getting hurt. This is self-delusion.
Few women can avoid
emotional entanglements with those they have
sex with; men can eventually begin
to lose a sense of integrity when
they wake up to the fact that they may have selfishly
abused a friendship
by taking something that does not morally or legally belong to them.
Along a similar line, many people may find themselves caught
up in affairs, not for
the sex, but simply because they have a need
for romance, intimacy, or personal
validation, and have developed
the mistaken notion that they can only find such
affection or attention
by agreeing to a sexual relationship with someone before
the couple
has had a chance to form a mutual bond of love. Women, especially,
can be easily seduced by the right words whispered at the right moments,
without using their logic to realize that there is no foundation to
safely stand
upon. Men may feel they have to prove their manhood in
a sexual way to win
the love of a woman they desire, or to gain bragging
rights to impress their guy
friends. People want to be loved so much, they can justify actions for themselves,
or others, they might
not otherwise choose in the cold light of day. But
using sex
in this way is just plain dangerous – physically, emotionally,
spiritually.
We’re not talking here of only the obvious things
that can go wrong and bring hurt
to all: unwanted pregnancy,
sexually-transmitted disease, lowered self-esteem;
guilt. We're
talking of how sex outside marriage affects yourself and others in
ways
you may not be thinking about at the time of your affair. A loss of trust and
trustworthiness is a sad thing.
If you and your
friend are single, consider that you may be committing adultery
against
a future partner, even if you do not yet see how you are committing
adultery against God and yourself. Future husbands and wives can feel
the same
type of jealousy over previous sex partners their spouses
may have had, that they
might feel about recent ones. If they are
being honest, few people want to compete
with the memories of previous
lovers!
Virginity is a special gift to bring to a marriage, even in
this day and age, and is
one that should be more highly valued by
both partners, and by society at large.
At the very least, sexual
discipline, as opposed to promiscuity, needs to be an
active goal
for both men and women. It is never too late to begin. It will save
a lot
of emotional torment and regrets for everyone involved. Through
the teachings of
Christian Science, we learn that innocence and purity
are mental states found in
our reflection of Soul, and are not just
physical conditions that can be lost in a
one-time event. We always
have the opportunity to be re-born, regenerated,
washed clean from
the impurities of past sins, when we are ready to let go of the
false
sense of ourselves (remember the Prodigal son!), and return
home to our
true heritage as the pure sons and daughters of God.
When
those who are married and have children commit adultery, they are
not just
being disloyal to their spouse (and God!); they are being
disloyal to their whole
family! The children are being robbed of a
stable, secure home environment.
They are being affected, no mistake
about it. They can feel the tension when
their parents’ relationship
is floundering. They may blame themselves for any
marriage break-up.
No amount of physical pleasure found outside the home is
worth the
loss of a child’s respect and trust.
In his book on The Ten Commandments,
William Barclay, the Scottish New
Testament scholar, steps outside
of his Bible commentary for a moment, to
answer in his own way the
question of why adultery or sex before marriage is
wrong. He suggested
that if it is accepted as normal, the whole institution of the
family
is radically altered; that to demand premarital sex is to demand privilege
without responsibility; and that it is wrong to demand sexual rights
without
commitment. Unfortunately, even today, many do not see
how true Barclay’s
opinions are, and that we must regain a higher
standard.
Adultery and premarital sex are just plain selfish. Learning
to put the Golden Rule
to use, and to love others more than ourselves,
is what is needed. By studying the
teachings of Jesus or Christian
Science, we learn the rules to obey; plus we learn
why adultery is
wrong on both a moral and spiritual level. We learn that while our
purity and innocence are never really adulterated -- because of the
fact that God,
Spirit, is infinite -- mortals will suffer the punishment
of adultery as long as they
believe it is pleasurable and a part of
man’s real nature. We must resist the
temptation to believe we are
material creatures, with appetites and passions
that are uncontrollable.
We must affirm our spiritual identity that is created and
preserved
by God. We must see that we are naturally attracted to Spirit, not
to
the world’s sensual pleasures. We must understand that our sense
of
completeness, worth, and satisfaction are in good, God. Mrs. Eddy
writes:
“Happiness consists in being and in doing good; only what
God gives,
and what we give ourselves and others through His tenure,
confers
happiness: conscious worth satisfies the hungry heart, and
nothing
else can.” (Eddy, Mary Baker: "Message for 1902," pg. 17)
It can seem like a mighty battle, or a long struggle, to fend off
the temptations of
sexual relations outside of marriage, or even lust
within marriage. But God, our
divine Father-Mother, would not have
created us incapable of obeying any of His
laws or commandments; and
Jesus, our brother, would never have taught us to
think and live with
an attitude that is unnatural to our innate being. We are spiritual,
not material. We are the “image and likeness” of the Father-Mother
God, and
therefore have the male and female qualities that make us
complete and satisfied
with a life of purity and goodness. We are
embraced by divine Love that loves us
unconditionally; we do not need
to seek love through physical bonds, although
these bonds can benefit
from the pure, sweet affections of love that can be brought
to marriage.
We can trust God to control all of our relationships throughout
time and eternity;
we do not have to force or manipulate or use others
to make us feel loved or
attractive. There is no pleasure in sin.
We can turn from sin, and look to the light
of Truth for all our needs.
God will supply the opportunities we need in order to
share our love
with mankind, and therefore feel that oneness and unity that we
are
truly searching for. These ideals have often been proven in the lives
of
